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In their opinion, African-Americans don’t like using things like dating sites because it’s like admitting that we need help publicly.

This is something that, as a whole, many African-Americans have a hard time doing.

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When put in dating terms, what that really says is “I don’t want my face appearing on a dating site because then people will think I can’t get a date and trust me, I am too fly for that to be the case.” While I can’t speak for the whole of black lesbians everywhere and while acknowledging that we’re not a monolithic group anyway, I definitely feel connected to what my friend was saying.

Even while writing this article, I have a hard time saying it, admitting that I need help in the love department. Online dating ups the amount of vulnerability involved because it’s there for the world to see.

Although it was a great place to find booty shots and I think it may have been the birthplace of “selfie modeling,” it wasn’t really conducive to cultivating mature relationships.

Many Black lesbians have taken matters into their own hands by setting up groups on sites like Meetup, but I’ve found that those are usually one group just recycling their dating options amongst each other and who wants to be a part of all that internal drama?

I now have a history of adding and deleting my Ok Cupid account because whenever I’m on there it always matches me with some with lesbian who is hanging off the side of a mountain in her profile picture.

I have no idea what I put on my profile that makes OKC think these are the women I’m interested in dating.

I met up with a hang gliding white lesbian once to see if there could actually be some sort of connection. It was a terrible experience and made me start questioning my dating viability as a whole.

Maybe she secretly has an affinity for ’60s soul on Stax Records or we could connect over re-treads. The only thing we connected with was a love for Thai food and cognac which can work in certain situations. All of this puts me back at the beginning of my quest for this elusive black lesbian waiting for me in cyberspace.

And honestly I tried throwing caution to the wind and saying “Hey, if the computer says we’re compatible then it must know what’s best, right? I don’t know why because that was an even worse experience. There are so few available options that when you DO find someone worth checking out, it’s always the one who never logs in because the site is so dry.

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